clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
