HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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