He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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