The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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