i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
only if we run a train.
done.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need moral support for this bender
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
