I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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