you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
