Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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