i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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