Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
