i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
