Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
