a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
