I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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