why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
