you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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