No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
