Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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