I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
