I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
