I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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