y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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