dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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