We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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