I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
