You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
