not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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