you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
