discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
