a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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