Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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