Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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