My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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