he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
