Who did Billy Mays play for?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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