Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
