Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
