it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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