we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
