I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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