note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
