You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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