She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
