Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
