I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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