Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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