Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
