I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
