I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
