just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
