it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
