I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
