Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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